Dating profile euphemisms

Here are the biggest things to keep in mind when writing your profile essay: For those who want me to hold their hands a little longer, below is a set of suggestions for how to structure your essay. Folks that don’t read profiles in the first place won’t actually notice if it’s filled out or not; they’ll check your pictures and email you based on that, period.

For those who want to read my sample profile through: Hi, my name is Fluffy, I’m a super introverted amab tumtum working three jobs and looking to build connections.

I’m looking for a girl with a good vagina between her legs and an even better set of breasts on her chest, but admitting thusly will guarantee that I have zero chance of finding out if you are said girl. My overbearing sense of pride is unable to reconcile the fact that I’m looking for dates online, so I’m laying the blame on my one friend who might once have made a passing comment about online dating… I am the center of the universe and will not hesitate to dump your sorry ass the minute even one brain cell inside my head starts to get bored with you.

Something I’ve noticed over the course of the last few years with profiles on dating and hook-up sites is that people are really horrible at creating a profile that sings.

While I do have a penis, because I’m transgender I rarely “use” it with partners.

In general I’m an introspective and quiet thinker; my MBTI is INFP, and I feel it’s fairly accurate.

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There’s not much you can do to counteract this except for reading context clues from their messages whether or not they’ve read them. While I do have some thoughts about appropriate picture use in profiles, I’m using my space here to talk about the essay specifically.I’m 6’7″ tall and fat; I guess most folks would call me a cub or a chub depending on their lexicon.In general you never know what color my hair’s going to be, but I always try to keep myself well-coiffed in public.I present to you my unabridged, unabashed, online dating dictionary…. I’m looking for someone willing to overlook my hideousness. I am the creator of Musings, the blog you're reading right now, and Lemon Vibe, an anonymous relationship advice site.Translating Men: What They Say and What They Mean I’m new to the whole online dating thing………. I have no ambitions in life and am stoked that sitting on my ass, watching TV is now an activity known as “chillin’.” I’m a total smart-ass……….. I’m currently dating eight other girls and hope you’re open to being my ninth. I play kickball in a local adult recreational sports league. I’m looking for a man who’s 6’4”, makes six figures, has a chiseled jaw and washboard abs, is a hopeless romantic, has a great sense of humor and makes me laugh everyday, is intelligent and well-read, loves to travel, will buy me flowers and open doors for me, is sensitive and emotionally available, loves kids, loves pets, volunteers for charities, is a handyman, is great in bed, shares my political beliefs, shares my faith, matches my astrological sign, will not be afraid to tell me he loves me, gets along with my family, will worship me, will spoon me, will always understand me… You can also find me on Twitter (I am not the creator of Twitter).

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